Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
