She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
