the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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