I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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