We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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