two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
