I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
