He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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