Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
