Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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