craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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