I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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