Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
