I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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