This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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