I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
