at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
