garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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