God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
