I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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