Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
