meet me or not, i'm out of control
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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