Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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