Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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