I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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