My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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