I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
