In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
