He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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