I think I died a long time ago.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
