i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
