oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
