Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
