im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
