I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
