I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
