im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
