Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
