More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
