is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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