I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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