If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
