Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
