Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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