Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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