I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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