So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
