so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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