I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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