Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
that's an acceptable place to lick
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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