just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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