Define "chronic" masturbator.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
