He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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