You're so nebulous sometimes
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
