On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
